Saturday, September 24, 2011

Today, Life Got Messy.

Ohhhh Friends. Tonight was a glass of wine kind-of-a-night! Mark is very familiar with this phrase. I have good days and bad days with our little angel and today... well, it ended with a glass of wine.

It all started early this morning, right after breakfast. Ethan was "all done" and anxious to get out of his high chair. I cleaned him off and got him down so that he could play with his toys. Seeing the mess of multiple shoes we had in our family room (how is it that each member of our family had 2 pairs of shoes just waiting to magically find their way back up the stairs into their rightful places?) and that Ethan was occupied, I collected all 6 pairs and headed upstairs to put them away.

Here's where it gets messy.

I couldn't have been upstairs for more than 60 seconds (honestly!) when I encountered the first mess of the day. (Yes I said first... come to think of it, I should have had a glass of wine for each mess I "encountered" today) Back in the family room, the first thing I see is red smeared on the bottom legs of the highchair, carpet, and hardwood floors. Instantly I thought, "Oh no! Ethan got to my berry smoothie!" He is at the perfect height for reaching a few inches above the counters, so I was sure he reached for my smoothie (in a glass cup!) and helped himself to a taste. That is until I saw Ethan.

Ethan was sitting on his toy bicycle... more red smearing... but his hands were clean!

BACK UP THE STORY... early this week, Ethan fell on some rocks and scraped his shin up pretty bad. He's had a serious scab while his leg is on the mend....

BACK TO THE STORY... the scab was gone. Ethan was gushing blood everywhere! The look of sheer terror was on my face as I said, "Sweet boy! Are... you... okay?!" Upon seeing my face and hearing my voice, Ethan suddenly became sad and scared (way to go Mommy!)... so he started crying (which he wasn't before... ??? OUCH!!!)

I picked him up and immediately put him in the sink and washed off his wound. It was no help, the gusher kept gushin'! So I got a paper towel and applied pressure. Meanwhile, Ethan was happy as a clam pumping the soap dispenser... over and over and over...

I applied neosporin, a band aid (biggest band aid we had in the house, by the way), and pants to the child... this way he couldn't get to his band aid to peel it off. Good thing it was only 98 degrees today. Yeah...

To much protest, I put Ethan back in his highchair. It was clean-up time and I needed him contained and protected. I cleaned up the hardwood floors pretty easily, but the carpet... the light tan carpet... not so easy. I got out our trusty Hoover Steam Cleaner and was ready for action. Meanwhile, E was asking for a snack. Really? You just had breakfast! Maybe it was low blood sugar... bad joke. I calmly told him, "Ethan, you just ate! How about playing with a toy?" and gave him one on his tray to play with. Amazingly, he wasn't satisfied.

Mark typically operates the steam cleaner. I thought, how hard can it be? Ohhhhh friends. So complicated! I turned it on (after adding water and cleaner) and it wouldn't suction out of the hand piece which is what I needed. Seeing that this would take longer than I thought, and Ethan was still asking for a snack, I fed the boy again (no judgement!) and called Mark at work.

Office Assistent (not our usual girl, Erin... a sub for the day): Thank you for calling Creekside Endodontics, how can I help you?
Allie: Hi, um... is Dr. Young there? This is his wife...
OA: I think he's with a patient...
Allie: Oh. Well, uh, can you pull him away? It's kind of an emergency (looking at the murder scene I was about to clean up... or let seep in and stain...)
OA: One minute.
Mark: Hey Babe. Is everything okay?
Allie: (Ethan now screaming in the background) Ethan pulled off his scab, he squirted blood everywhere including the carpet, I'm trying to work the steam cleaner and I just can't do it!!"
Mark: Did you plug it in correctly?
Allie: (annoyed at the simplicity of his answer to my non-question). YES! (paused a few seconds for emphasis so he would believe the statement I just made) The hand piece is just not working.
Mark: Did you plug the hand piece in? Is the hose plugged in?
Allie: (Ethan getting louder in the background saying, "Mo Mo Mo Mo! Peas! Mo peas!" - translation - "More Please") YES!! I plugged it in! Why isn't it working?
Mark: I don't know (sounding very calm and collected). Take a picture on your phone and send it to me. I'll look at it.
Allie: (Ethan screaming now, the sound of the steam cleaner was so loud, and my stress level was above my head... and here is where the drama queen came out...) Just kill me, Mark! I seriously want to die. Just shoot me!
Mark: (No response to my drama) I got the picture, flip the hose around...
Allie: (I flip it around. The suction works. I see the light.) It works. Thanks (sounding unapprecative)
Mark: Okay, I love you (sounding loving...)
Yeah, yeah... gotta go! (in retrospect. How amazing was he! And that poor patient... I can just imagine his/her mouth propped open, numb, waiting... drooling...

I gave Ethan some "Mo" snack, steamed/sucked up all the "red" off the carpet and... came to find... his big, white, fluffy bear. The crime scene is now sanitized. I dare you to find evidence!

All was well in the world and I felt like we needed to get out of the house! To the Kia-mobile to the nearest drive-thru Starbucks. This Mama deserved a Venti, Iced, Caramel Macchiato. Check. Baby smiling in the back seat. Check. Need a gift for a friend's little boy's first birthday party tomorrow. Gymboree Outlet? Check! This should be fun. A little retail therapy to add to my well deserved coffee...

Introduce Mess #2

If you've ever been to a Gymboree, you know they have a TV with cartoons for the kiddos so the parents can shop. Perfect! I parked Ethan's stroller right in front of the TV (really sounding like Mother of the Year...) so I could have 5 minutes of uninterrupted shopping. Well, 5 minutes came and went fast and Ethan was fussing to get out of his stroller. I let him out and he immediately started playing with the buckle on his stroller (one of his latest obsessions...). So I thought, great! Something else to buy me 5 more minutes... all I had to do was make my final decisions in the pile of possibilites I had created...

Sorting through the pile, I took a quick look over in Ethan's direction and I see him waving a long, green straw in the air. I look down at his feet and see two brown puddles, look up again and see that his white shirt had coffee stains and his hair was matted down on one side. Caramel Macchiato. That means they drizzle real caramel into your drink.

Quietly freaking out, I ran over and grabbed the straw and drink (that he had placed on the ground. It hadn't spilled over on it's side... but was definitely a "grande" portion now) and placed it on the counter where the register is. To the lady behind the counter I said, "I am so, so sorry. My son spilled my coffee on your floor. Do you have any paper towels I could use to clean it up?" She handed me some towels and assured me not to worry. In the background I could hear little grunts, so I looked over once again at Ethan. Poop face. Parents, you know what this is. For the rest of you... my little guy was doin' his business. As bad as this sounds... same mentality that got me into the rest of this mess... I thought, "Oh good. This will buy me some time!" I cleaned up what I could, used wipes to wipe the floor again so it wouldn't leave a sticky residue... then I got a fresh wipe and wiped Ethan's hair and took off his shirt.

Next, I looked in my diaper bag and... surprise! I didn't have a back-up outfit. The very second I made that unfortunate discovery, I hear the lady say, "You have an escapee!"

I look up and wouldn't you know it... Ethan is headed out the door half naked!

I run out the door to get him and at this point, my 19.5 month old toddler is squealing with joy because he thinks we are playing chase (I have to admit, at this point I am smiling because... well... you just gotta roll with it).

Long story short... I catch-up to him, buy a t-shirt on clearance, tell the lady I'll be back for my "pile", go to the restroom and change him, put him in his brand new shirt, go back, buy the "pile" for our friend, stroll back to the car, load-up, lock-up, and start the drive home. Within minutes, Ethan was asleep and I, my friends, drank the rest of my watered down macchiato... and smiled.

Here is a picture of Ethan in his crib, sleeping in his brand new shirt. The transfer from the car to crib was a success!

Ethan slept a good 2.5 hours... a real gift!

When Mark came home after work, I said, "The kitchen is closed. I don't care where you take us, but take us out to dinner so I don't have to clean up any more messes!"

So we went out to dinner. Japanese food. It was lovely. Ethan sat next to Mark who did all the parenting duties at dinner and I, sat back, ate my dinner, and had my glass of wine.


Some days I want more children. Some days I think... I'm cool!
The funny thing about today is that, while in the thick of it all I wanted to "shoot myself", now that I'm typing this and the day is over with... I can't help but laugh out loud at the memories we made.

I had a full day. Full of stresses, messes, and smiles. And I can't help but think that if everyday were like today.... I'd have a full life.
(and possibly become a drunk... sorry, the bad jokes keep comin'!)

So bring on the kiddos! and with them... an extra large serving of humble pie!

1 comment:

  1. Oh Allie, this is absolutely hilarious! What a day you had! Thank goodness they aren't all that way! :)